When Jake was born, Aiden was 2 years old. I worried throughout that pregnancy about how Aiden would react to a new little brother. Would he be jealous? Would I be able to balance being mommy to both of them? Everything was going to change, and in some strange way I felt guilty.
It seems so silly now, because Aiden adjusted fine and has loved his little brother since the second he laid eyes on him. They are absolute best friends. Giving him a sibling was a tremendous gift, and of course we can’t imagine it any other way. But Aiden and Jake are very different. Aiden inherited my stubborn streak and independent nature. He’s never particularly been what I would call a “mama’s boy,” and while he definitely needs me, he and Jake need me in very different ways. Aiden needs my guidance, support, love, patience and reassurance, but he slipped into his role as big brother seamlessly. Jake, on the other hand, has been our “baby” for four years. He is a mama’s boy through and through. He is much more sensitive, needy, affectionate, and has relished his place as “the baby” in this family for his entire little life. I worry about him. I feel that same stinging guilt that I felt when I was preparing his big brother for his arrival. Guilt for taking away that title of “the baby.” I worry that he won’t adjust so easily. Although I tell both of my boys all the time, “Even though you’re not a baby anymore, you’ll always be my baby,” I know that the dynamics in our family are about to drastically change and I just don’t know what to expect. (By the way, you can read my “rainbow baby” pregnancy update here if you missed it.)
We’ve talked to Jake about how things will change, and how much the baby will need mommy’s attention. He says he understands and is ok with that. So far he has not expressed any jealousy or apprehension about the upcoming birth of his new sibling. He’s excited — after all, he’s been begging for a baby sibling since he was 2 years old. He talks about how he will help, and he looks forward to singing songs to the baby. He talks to my belly and says, “Hi baby! What are you doin’ in there?” In my heart I know he will be fine. But I still worry. This is an extremely joyous time and we couldn’t be happier or more excited, but there’s still that faint feeling of worry and guilt and fear of change.
One of the things we’ve had to do in preparation for baby’s arrival is make sure that our boys are comfortable and secure and have everything they need at our new house before the baby is born. We’ve worked hard to make their new bedroom at this house as cozy and inviting as their old one. We realized a few months ago that Jake was rapidly outgrowing his sweet little toddler bed that I built, and we knew we would need to budget for a new twin bed, but it kept getting bumped down on our priority list. Things like waterproofing the basement and replacing our upstairs air conditioning came first. As luck would have it, a few weeks ago Chris’ aunt and uncle were looking to get rid of a twin bed. They were kind enough to give it to us — they even delivered it to our house! (Thank you!) So now, I’ll have to make a matching headboard since the one I made for his toddler bed is too small. (I made this one for Aiden’s bed and a matching mini version for Jake.) Here are the beds in their old room:
And here they are in their new room:
I want to make sure that the boys are fully situated and their needs are taken care of before I move full force into nursery mode. I still worry about Jake adjusting to the baby, but I’m not worried about Aiden. He’s got this big brother thing down. He’s a wonderful big brother to Jake, and I know he will be to the baby too. I just hope that Jake can follow his lead and love being a big brother as much as he loves being a little brother. I know everything will be just fine, I guess I’m just having some normal mommy anxiety.
Do you have a “middle child”? How did they adjust to the transition from “baby” to “middle”? I’d love tips or advice!
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I have a 5 year gap between my second and third children and I was a little nervous how my second would do with the new baby, but he was great! At first he was kind of indifferent because the baby didn’t do much and he got plenty of attention from extended family, but as the baby started to do more and develop a personality, my middle just loves him more and more! My baby just turned one and he makes his big brother laugh and giggle like you wouldn’t believe! Of course it helped that the baby got big brother a new lego set that he had been eyeing, but I was really nervous for no reason. There is a big enough age difference that there’s really no competition between them. Good luck and feel free to let me know if you want to chat more!
Thanks so much for your comment, Lori! This is very reassuring. I really think Jake will do fine, but of course I worry that he will feel neglected after I have babied him for so long. I’m so happy to hear that your child adjusted fine, and I hope mine will too! 🙂
He’s old enough that you can really involve him in some of the baby’s care which will help with the transition a lot. You can tell him to help you get a diaper for changing time or go get a toy for the baby. Also, I’ve heard having the baby get them a gift can help. But really, he is so sweet he will love the baby and be a great big brother!
Thanks, Stefanie! I think/hope he will do fine, just getting a little anxious about it I guess. He loves being a big cousin so hopefully that means he will love being a big brother too! You get to go through the middle child transition before us so you’ll have to let us know how it goes, (although I know there is a different age gap we are dealing with). I do hope now that Jake is older that it will help if we involve him in the baby’s care like you mentioned.
I have 3 boys; my oldest two are 3+ years apart (39 months-ish), and two/three are 2 + years apart (29 mos/2 weeks-ish). They are now 9, 7 and almost 5. Our middle is just like your soon-to-be middle. Very affectionate, sensitive and a little needy. Even at 7, I still get requests for momma-alone-time from him, while his brothers can take it or leave it. I don’t mind taking a little extra time from something else to snuggle any of my boys. They won’t be asking for momma-time much longer, so I’m trying to remember to cherish those moments. Especially when they come in the form of a sweaty, stinky, dirty kid who decides it’s time to drop everything and maul mommy. LOL
I think for us, the first few months were the most difficult. I had one child who had just begun kindergarten when #3 was born, 1 in preschool, and working full time and baby on breast. The hardest thing for #2 was seeing me snuggling with #3 so often for feedings; he got to the point for a while where he would snuggle up to my other side and lay his head on my lap next to his brother, just to get close.
Our boys are their own best friends and worst enemies, which is as it should be. They squabble and wrestle and bicker, but if anyone else messes with one of them, that kid has messed with all of them. They are each other’s best support system, next to mom and dad, and it’s awesome to watch (even when they make me want to yank my hair and rock in a corner!).
Thanks for your comment Julie! I’m sure our situation will be similar. Jake will need lots of snuggles and reassurance that he’s still my baby too, but it will be a balancing act for sure to make sure no one is feeling neglected! My boys are best friends and enemies too. They go from loving each other to bickering and fighting 5 minutes later, but normally are best buddies and play together for hours. They are a blessing for sure! Glad to hear that you are surviving having 3. 🙂 Hopefully I will too!
Erin- you and I are both going through emotional times for different reasons with our kids…it’s neverending with being a Mom, huh? Our Mom hearts just want to make sure everyone is prepared for what’s ahead. New seasons are fun & exciting, but also tinged with sadness and bittersweet feelings. I know just how you’re feeling about your son who has been the baby. I also remember how I worried about my firstborn when my second son was born. Honestly, I can recall feeling guilty, too! My middle son is probably the most well-adjusted of ALL my boys! Crazy, huh? Our youngest and him are only 19 months apart, so they are like twins practically. All the boys have their own special things about them, and making sure they saw us all as a ” family unit ” was key. You’re already preparing Jake, so he’s going to feel like your special helper. When the baby is napping, you will still have alot of lovin’ time with him! It will be great and beautiful…stressful many days, but still beautiful 🙂 Hugs!
Thanks for your sweet comment, Melanie! Yes, it’s definitely an emotional time for both of us! I’m happy to hear that your middle son is so well-adjusted! Hopefully mine will be too. 🙂 I may be hitting you up for mommy advice since you have already been through the trenches with this age group. Good luck sending your oldest off to college! I know it will be bittersweet.
Can you tell me how it’s all gone? In the same position, same age differences, and feeling the same way! Baby 3 on the way and my son (soon-to-be middle child) sounds just like your middle child! Would love to know about the transition and how things went. Thanks!
Congrats! Well he is now 10 and my youngest is 6 so it’s hard to remember those early days (it’s all a blur!) but he adjusted well. And now of course we can’t imagine it any other way. He is an amazing big brother and my youngest is his little shadow. He holds his hand and walks him to his Kindergarten classroom every morning and they play together all the time. They bicker plenty, as do my middle and oldest, but they have such a sweet relationship. He has told me that he likes the fact that he’s the only one of them who can say he is a big brother AND a little brother so he feels special that he gets to be both. Yours will do fine and in time you’ll forget you even worried about it at all!