Today I am veering off-topic and getting personal. If you’re here for a DIY post, please check out my project gallery or stop by again soon! This post contains very sensitive subject matter. If you are uncomfortable hearing about issues such as fertility or pregnancy loss, I urge you to skip over this post. Thank you for understanding.
MY STORY: DEALING WITH SECONDARY INFERTILITY AND MISCARRIAGE
First of all, you’re probably wondering why I’ve chosen to get so deeply personal today. I will explain why toward the end of this post. This was an extremely difficult post to write. Bear with me. This is a long story.
Two years ago, my husband and I decided it was time to try for our third child. We were so incredibly lucky to conceive both of our boys very quickly, and while we didn’t necessarily assume it would happen as quickly the third time, we certainly didn’t anticipate having fertility problems. I was relatively young (29 years old), healthy, and had no history of any issues to speak of, so we had every reason to believe that the road to conception would be smooth sailing. We couldn’t have been more wrong.
After several months of trying, I began to have strong feelings that something was wrong. I knew my body, and something was just “off.” I went to the doctor and of course was given the usual spiel: “You’re young, you haven’t even been trying for a year. Give it time. It will happen.” Still, I couldn’t shake that little voice inside telling me that something just wasn’t right. But they basically told me that until we had been trying for at least a year, they weren’t willing to do anything for me or run any tests.
After about a year of trying, with month after disappointing month of wasted pregnancy tests and imaginary symptoms that had me wondering if “maybe this is it,” we finally got pregnant. I had so many mixed emotions. I wanted to be excited, but inside I knew something was wrong. I had been a week “late” before I even got the faintest line on a pregnancy test. I didn’t feel pregnant. I arranged to go in for a blood test, and literally within minutes of receiving the call telling me that my HCG levels were incredibly low, I began miscarrying.
It was very early – between 5-6 weeks – but completely devastating. I went through pretty much all of those stages of grief they tell you about. But I was never really angry. Just really, really sad. It hurt – like, physically made my heart ache. I allowed myself to feel whatever emotions I needed to feel. I balled up on the floor and just cried and cried. The sadness came in waves. One day I would be totally fine and accepting of what had happened, and the next day I would have moments where I just needed to cry for a while. We had prayed for and wanted that baby so badly, and now we would never know that child. That little life that existed inside me for such a short time. We wouldn’t hold him or her. We would never know if it was a boy or a girl. We’d never see that child grow up. I thought about the life that would never be, and what that life might have been like. The birthday parties and milestones that would never happen. Sure, maybe we could have another baby, but we’d never have that baby.
On top of all the sadness, I felt incredible guilt. I know that might sound strange, but I felt guilty for being so sad. I kept thinking, I have these two beautiful, healthy boys whom I am so thankful for, and my 5 week pregnancy loss is nothing compared to what some people go through. I know people who have suffered far greater losses than this. I know people who can’t have any children at all. I felt like maybe I was being greedy. I have two children, maybe wanting a third is just selfish. What right do I have to be upset? But that wasn’t fair. Each of our journeys and struggles are our own, and it was silly for me to compare my pain to anyone else’s.
Then of course there was the other kind of guilt. The “did I do something to cause this?” guilt. My doctors assured me that there was nothing that I could have done to cause this. To quote my doctor, “No amount of sex, drugs or rock and roll caused this.” He really said that. And regardless of his colorful way of explaining it, I needed to hear it. I needed to know that it wasn’t my fault.
Then there was frustration. I know that some people think that if you already have children, and then you lose a pregnancy, that somehow the fact that you already have kids makes the loss hurt less. Or maybe it makes it less unfortunate. “Well, at least you already have kids.” As if you’re not supposed to hurt as much. I disagree. Having children doesn’t make it hurt any less to lose one. Yes, I feel blessed and thankful to have my children, but losing one still hurts. A lot.
I finally reached a point of acceptance, and we were ready to try again. Five months later, I got pregnant again, and we were so excited! This time, I found out very early and the doctor began monitoring me right away. My levels were great, and everything seemed to be going well. I felt a little more “pregnant” this time, so we were optimistic. Besides, the doctor had told me after our miscarriage that it is unfortunately very common, and they had no reason to believe that it would happen again.
But it did.
It was early again – I was about 6 weeks along. It happened naturally again, and I was thankful for that at least. I was hoping to avoid any medical procedures. But man, did this hit me hard. Harder than the first time. My sister had recently found out she was pregnant, and we would have been due about 4 weeks apart. We talked about it often during those first couple of weeks and we were so excited to be going through this together. Our babies would be close in age. This would be so much fun!
Devastated doesn’t begin to describe how I felt. Heartbroken. So, so sad. Why was this happening again? I had so many emotions. I was so happy for my sister, truly. But so sad for me. For us. For our little family. I didn’t want my sister or any of my other pregnant friends to feel like they couldn’t share their happiness and joy with me, and I didn’t want anyone to feel like they had to walk on eggshells around me. This is part of the reason I didn’t share what we were going through with many people. That, and also because for the most part I just didn’t have the energy to talk about it. Not to mention it’s a pretty awkward thing to bring up. “How are you?” “Oh fine. Just had a miscarriage though.. so there’s that.” I mean, it’s just not the sort of thing you bring up in casual conversation.
Since two miscarriages in a row raised a little bit of a red flag, my doctor agreed to do some testing. After taking 11 vials of blood and testing me for everything under the sun, and also doing a special type of ultrasound, they basically told me that nothing was wrong. Aside from some ovarian cysts which they didn’t seem concerned about, they just didn’t have any answers for me. They told me that we will never know why this happened. (Twice.) They can only assume it was caused by chromosome abnormalities and that my body was doing what it was supposed to do by getting rid of what would have been a nonviable pregnancy. They basically diagnosed me with a case of really bad luck.
I wasn’t buying it. Sure, that very well may have been the case. But like I said, I know my body and I knew that something in general was just “off.” I did everything in my power at that point to try to get as healthy as possible. I drastically changed my diet. I cut out as much sugar as possible, ate as many whole, natural foods as I could and cut out processed foods whenever possible. I started drinking green smoothies every day. Took my vitamins religiously. Went to the chiropractor. Joined a gym. Met with a personal trainer. Started getting acupuncture. You name it. I wanted – no, needed – to know that I was doing everything I possibly could to ensure a healthy pregnancy if and when it happened again. The rest was up to God.
The day of our first miscarriage, over a year ago now, something told me that I was going to share this story with you. In the midst of my grief and sadness, I just knew. It was like this feeling came over me that just told me “you are going to share this.” I can’t even explain it. I knew I wasn’t ready then, and that I wouldn’t be ready for a long time. During this whole ordeal, I learned a lot about miscarriage in general. Did you know that approximately 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage? One in five. That is a staggering number. That means that you know many people who have gone through it, and maybe you don’t even realize it. Maybe YOU have gone through it. Maybe you’re going through it now.
So, the big question. Why have I decided to go into “oversharing” territory and pour my heart out to you today with something so personal? Because even though miscarriage happens to so many people, no one talks about it. I’ve decided to talk about it. This blog has been such a blessing in my life. It has allowed me to share my passion and interests with so many people. I am able to reach literally thousands of people, mostly women, each day. If this blog gets over 100,000 pageviews per month (which is unbelievably crazy to me, by the way, so thank you) and most of you are women, then that means that thousands of you have experienced a miscarriage. Also, October happens to be National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. It is also the month that our baby would have been born.
I can’t begin to tell you how “alone” I felt when I was going through this. Nothing can really prepare you for that sort of thing. If I can share my story and make even one of you feel a little less alone, then that is good enough for me. That is why I’ve chosen to share this with you. You are not alone. I have faith in God, and I have faith that all things happen for a reason. It was comforting to me at the time to read other people’s stories. I needed to know that whatever I was feeling was normal, and I needed to find hope somehow.
I want to tell you what a good friend told me when I was going through this.
“It’s okay to not be okay.”
It’s ok to let it hurt. It’s ok to allow yourself to feel sad and grieve. It’s ok to talk about it. It isn’t a shameful secret. Sometimes you need to talk about it. Acknowledge that it happened. And you know what? It’s going to be okay. I promise. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow. But someday. Time heals. I still get sad when I think about what we lost. I’ll always feel sad about that, but I’m ok.
And for those of you who might know someone who is going through this experience, you might be wondering what you can do. Just be there. Be willing to listen. Maybe it’s uncomfortable for you, but you know what? Pretend it isn’t. I can’t tell you how much it meant to me when I had a friend or family member just text me that they were thinking about me, or send me a little card or note letting me know that they were there if I needed them. That was really all I needed. Just to know that they were there. There was nothing anyone could really do for me besides that.
I’d also like to add that this is my own personal experience, and these are my own personal emotions and feelings. I can’t speak for anyone else, as everyone’s experience is different. My husband grieved in his own way too and I don’t want to discount what he went through. It’s so important for a husband and wife to communicate during something like this. I can’t stress that enough. Men and women often handle these types of things differently, and while their perspective and pain may be different, it isn’t any less important.
I look at my children differently now. I’ve never taken them for granted, and I’ve always known what an amazing blessing it is to have them. But I think this whole experience has made me realize what a miracle it truly is to have a child. So many things have to go right in order to bring a healthy baby into this world. It’s such an intricate process, and to have two healthy children really is a miracle.
I really do believe that there is a purpose in all of this, even if we don’t understand what that is right now. I know that God hurts with us when our hearts are broken. There is purpose beyond our earthly understanding and beyond what our human perspective allows us to see. God sees the whole big picture, while we are only able to see a tiny portion of it. It’s kind of like staring at a huge, beautiful painting. If you stand so close your nose is touching it, you can’t see much of it and what you’re looking at doesn’t really make sense. But the farther you step back, the more of the picture you can see. God is standing back much farther than we are, and we just need to trust that. We are in the thick of it right now, and all we can really see is the part that hurts. Someday, the purpose will be revealed and we will know that God didn’t just allow us to suffer for no good reason.
Thank you for listening to my story, especially if you made it to the end. And thank you to all of you who were there for me, and for those of you who I know would have been there for me if you had known. To our friends and family, I’m sorry for not telling you and I’m sorry if you are finding out from reading it here. I just wasn’t ready until now.
If you have or someone you know has gone through this and you have questions, or just need to share your story with someone, please don’t hesitate to contact me.
Here is a great post about infertility (actually written by a man about his and his wife’s experience). I found it interesting how much I could relate and how much I felt the same emotions he describes, despite the fact that I already have children.
I hope that this isn’t God’s way of telling us “no.” I hope He’s just been saying, “Not right now.” We pray that another child is in our future. In our hearts we just aren’t ready to call our family complete. When I have an update for you, I will share. For now, our story is “to be continued…”
*Update: I have written a follow-up to this post which you can read here.*
*Update #2: We were so blessed to welcome our sweet baby Jonah on November 25, 2014.*
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Thanks for visiting!
-Erin
You and your family will be in my prayers. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you Lisa! I appreciate that.
Erin, I have been in your shoes back when I was your age. I fully understand your heartbreak and pain. I have two lovely children that are all grown up and independent. We wanted five kids but God had a different plan. I still dream of more kids but too old now and hope to be a grandmother one day.
You have a strong faith and God has a plan for you. You are now in my thoughts and prayers.
Thanks so much for sharing this with me. I’m sorry that God’s plan didn’t allow you to have the 5 children you wanted, but I’m happy that you were blessed with 2. I hope you get lots of grandbabies someday! Thanks again.
So sorry for your losses. My sis went thru the same thing – twice before she had 2 healthy boys. Thanks of sharing.
Kelly
Thank you Kelly. I’m sorry that your sister had to go through this, but so glad that she has 2 healthy boys now!
Erin I am so proud of you and so thankful you are my daughter. I love you with all my heart. I know writing about your miscarriages could not have been easy. It took me awhile to read this because I had to clear my eyes of all the tears. No we don’t always understand why things happen the way they do. You amaze me with your inner strength and heartfelt thoughtfulness to help others. And you are right every child is a miracle here and in heaven. Love you, Mom
Thank you Mom. Love you.
I’m teary…ok tears are coming. I’m do incredibly proud of you. I know this has been such a journey and I truly believe God will use your story to encourage others. You have a voice and a gift and the blend of them together is so beautiful. I could have kept reading. I love you! XOXO, Erica
Thank you my friend! And thanks so much for being there for me. It really does mean so much!
Erin, so sorry to hear about your struggles. I had an early miscarriage at 6 weeks back in 2005 with my first pregnancy. Can you believe I was participating in a research study and they had a standard protocol to test all women prior to starting the study and that’s how I had found out! It was a surprise. We had been trying for 1.5 years with no luck, and then–BAM!
It ended in I miscarriage at 6 weeks and I was sad too. A bit numb. But determined to get pregnant again. I did, 3 months later. He’s my amazing 7 year old boy. I even told him about the miscarriage and told him I am glad it happened or else HE wouldn’t have been here. 🙂 I now have 3 sons.
Hang in there and know that the baby you finally get will be the one that was meant to be here all along.
Serena
Thrift Diving
Thank you Serena! I’m sorry that you had to experience a miscarriage too. But I totally agree that the babies we end up having are the ones we were meant to have all along. I have faith in that. So happy to hear that you have 3 sweet boys now!
The first part of your story sounds EXACTLY like mine – two wonderful kiddos where we had no problems getting here, and then . . . nothing. two years of secondary infertility agony before I finally stayed pregnant, and 9 months later we had our beautiful daughter. And then, when she was 12 months old, we started all over again trying for baby #4 (at least that time was only 12 months long!)
I remember when that april – when my baby would have been due – the pain that racked me that day. I would never wish that pain on anyone.
infertility is the most agonizing thing, and so many people don’t even believe you have it when it’s secondary. I can look back at it now, and say “it was only two y ears, you hear of so many couples that try for a decade”, but you can’t say that while you’re in the middle of it.
I had a good friend tell me “any failed pregnancy test is heartbreaking. And when you want to be pregnant each month you live through a years worth of waiting, hoping, and mourning.” that helped me a ton!
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me Laree! I’m sorry that you had to deal with infertility too. I totally agree with your quote about failed pregnancy tests and living through a year’s worth of waiting! So true. Thanks again!
I’m so sorry to learn of your losses. I admire your bravery and candor, and I was deeply touched by your story. My husband and I haven’t started trying for kids yet, but miscarrying is my biggest fear due to my family history. Your reassurances and wonderful reminder that God is in control gave me peace. May He bless you and your family.
Thank you for your comment. I hope for healthy pregnancies and babies for you when the time comes! I agree, God is in control. Thanks again.
This post definitely hits close to home. Though we only had the one first miscarriage. It certainly changed us. I was early in the pregnancy as well, probably about the same as you… I’m not sure we never got far enough to know since my periods are very irregular and tracking isn’t easy.
I don’t think its harder to not have kids. I can’t imagine having kids and miscarrying. You are reminded of all the joys you missed out on with the lost life when looking at your kids and I can imagine that could make someone even more upset and blameful of themselves.
I wasn’t angry either. I was distraught and just wanted to curl up and cry. The physical and emotional pain was definitely difficult. It took seven days between us finding out we were pregnant via blood tests to finding out we were no longer pregnant via the second blood test.
Anyways I’m not going to share the whole story. I just wanted to say thank you. I’ve been meaning to share my story but I always felt like who am I to have a story when the pregnancy was so early when I miss carried?
Anyways. I will pray for your little family and all the families who have gone through this. A special support to Our City Lights who lost her boy at 40 weeks.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Amy. Thank you for sharing that with me and I appreciate your kind words and prayers! I’ll be praying for you too.
Oh Erin, what a beautiful honest post. We just started trying this year and month-by-month as test came back negative and the feelings of I might be pregnant faded I was able to relate just a little bit to those who struggle with infertility. Luckily for us we are now pregnant and in the safer zone in the second trimester. I hope your story can help woman out there relate and know they aren’t alone. Our pregnancy has been a bit bumpy and had lots of ups and downs and we still have some struggles to overcome, but its refreshing to read about others struggles. Hugs and prayers to you and your family.
Thank you so much Katie, and congrats on your pregnancy! I’ll be praying for you and hope everything is well.
Erin, I’m so sorry you are going through this. I understand it. Since you’ve been so open here, I feel I should be too. Your story mirrors mine almost exactly. I also went through ‘unexplained secondary infertility’ – and miscarriage – for a period of 5 years. It was devastating and lonely in so many ways, all of which you’ve so eloquently discussed. With extra help, we did end up having two more children (twins who are now 4), but I will never forget the pain and loneliness of those long 5 years. My heart goes out to you. xo
Thank you so much for sharing, Kerri, and for your kind words. I’m so happy that God blessed you with your sweet twins! I’m sorry you had to go through such a rough 5 years in order to have them. Thanks again!
Praying for you! God is good. He is still SO good.
Thank you Kelly! Yes He is.
Thanks so much for sharing your story. My heart goes out to you, even though I may not fully understand the emotions because I haven’t experienced them. I totally agree that it’s OK to not be OK. I don’t buy that “talk yourself into positivity instantly” game. It’s not healthy IMO. I am all for feeling whatever emotion it is and then letting it go. I’m 31 and don’t have any children, but I worry sometimes about the whole pregnancy/childbirth deal. I know people who have been through miscarriages and I can’t even imagine. I just get so nervous when I think about how my body will react to being pregnant, but I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get there :-). Hugs to you and your family!
Thank you so much for your kind words! Hopefully when you decide to have children, you won’t have to worry about any of this. I appreciate your comments!
What a tremendous blessing you will be to so many women by sharing this. It has been 21 years but I suffered a miscarriage in between my daughter and son. And it was devastating and we didn’t tell anyone. We didn’t want to deal with all the questions and it was too personal. After we had our 2nd child we decided we were done. We didn’t give God a whole lot of input. But surprise! He led us into adopting a sibling group of 3 and our family now totalled seven! This was 13 years ago and it hasn’t been an easy journey, but God has been faithful to be present and real to us. We have one 23 year old adopted daughter that we are estranged from (older adoption with abuse and neglect issues) and her two younger siblings have struggled for many years. All this is to say that God has been faithful to listen to our hearts and I started blogging to share my story and minister to other moms. You are not alone and you are brave and amazing to share your story.
Thank you, Marty, for your kind words and for sharing your story with me! God bless you and your family.
Our story was “not right now” that carried on for 12 years. And then we became pregnant with a 10-week loss. Another “not right now”. Thankfully we were blessed two years later with a healthy beautiful little girl, but I will always cherish and mourn for the child we never saw. I too was surprised about the number of women that wanted to tell their story once I’d had a miscarriage. Even my mother, who never really talked about hers, shared details I’d never heard before. Thanks for posting this!
I’m so sorry for your loss and the struggle you went through. Thank you for sharing your story with me! I’m so happy that you were blessed with a healthy daughter. Thanks again for taking the time to comment.
Thank you for sharing, Erin. I know that your story will encourage and help others to know they are not alone. I’m so sorry that you had to go through this, but I admire your strength and faith in God. You are a blessing in so many ways. 🙂
Thank you so much, Sheila!
so sorry for your losses, Erin! Had no idea you were going through this. Can’t relate with the miscarriages but can relate with the other. After 10 years of marriage, I have finally accepted and moved on with the life God has given us. Thankful for my husband and my marriage and looking forward to enjoying our life together!
Thanks for sharing your heart! Will be praying that the Lord will bless you with another healthy pregnancy/baby if that be His will.
Thank you Christina, and I’m so sorry to hear that you have struggled too. I’m happy that you have such a blessed and happy marriage though. So happy to have gotten to know you through our group!
Erin, thank you for sharing your story. I went through something similar between my boys and it is funny how you just know something is not right. My OB told me that is pretty common with miscarriages. When I became pregnant with Matthew things did not look good. It was the day before X-mas eve and the Dr scheduled a D&C for the day after x-mas. I went in for blood tests on x-mas eve just to check and miraculously through prayer we got a call on the day after x-mas to not come in for the D&C things looked good and now we have Mattie! I will say a prayer for you and your family that god provides his will for you.
I’m so sorry to hear that you have been through this too Kelly, but so glad that you got a happy ending with your youngest! Thank you for sharing this with me.
What a wonderful post. I have a 4 year old son and suffered from miscarriage on my second pregnancy just this September. Everything you said hit so close to home, it’s almost like it came from the pages of my journal. Thank you very much for letting all of us know about your story, and making us feel that we are not alone in this secondary infertility journey.
Diane, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I’m happy that my post was helpful and that you feel less alone. You are definitely not alone! Feel free to send me a message anytime. I am here and I understand.
Just found your blog and love it. Your story is really touching.and dropped tears on my eyes. Praying for you and your family. My husband and I have been married for more than 5 years and still trying and hoping one day God will bless us with baby. Prayerfully before we are too old ( we both are in mid 30 ish )
best,
Marlin
Hi Marlin! Thanks so much for your sweet comment. I pray that you will be blessed with a baby very soon! Hugs to you!
Thank you for sharing your story. I too have experienced this type of loss. On 11/1/12 my birthday I found out I was expecting. By 12/31/12 I was having a d&c. Very difficult process especially through the holidays. Just last week I learned it was pregnancy loss month. I had no idea. It was a flood of emotions but I took it better. I solo find it awkward to bring up to my husband who never talks about it. I do understand their ways are different than ours. Someone speaking recently said that same phrase, “Its ok to not be ok.” I find peace in that. Thanks for sharing your story.
Thank you Whitney. I am so sorry to hear that you’ve experienced a loss too. I know that it is an emotional roller coaster. I pray that you’ll have a baby soon and that you won’t have to go through this ever again! Hugs to you!
My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. I was okay with it because it was “accidental” and not at the best time for us. I just figured that God knew that we just weren’t ready just yet. But then I got pregnant two weeks later and I was angry– no, i was furious– with God for months. I could not understand why God would take away one child just to give me another. I still think about who and what that baby could have been, and how it would have turned out, but I would not have had the son that I have who is so wonderful. I now have two wonderful children and I would not change anything in my past because I have them because of it. I have a lot of positive ways to deal with the grief and to let go of that loss, but it is still a loss, and one that I will never forget. Things like this are not everyday topics, but they still need to be talked about sometimes. Thank you for sharing. I will be praying for you.
I’m so sorry to hear that, Alicia! I’m so glad that you got a happy ending with your son. I know that everything happens for a reason, even our trials. Thank you for taking the time to comment, and I appreciate your prayers!
Thank you for sharing your story. I just had an early miscarriage and we went through it completely alone. Noone will talk about it, and it feels awkward bringing it up. Thanks for being so vulnerable. We have a beautiful daughter we waited 2 years for and know we would love another so we will keep trying until God tells us differently. I, too, had the intuition that something was wrong.
I’m so sorry you are going through this DeeDee. I found that some people just don’t know how to talk about it or handle it and they are afraid of saying the wrong things. Then, it makes you feel totally alone. I hope that you know that you’re not alone! And I pray that you will get your baby very soon.
I’m so sorry you and your family have gone through this and I’m praying for you! My husband and I are going through the same thing, we have 3 beautiful, healthy, very active boys that we are so thankful for. Had conceived them easily and without any complications. When we decided it was time to try for #4 we have experienced the exact thing you and your husband had….over a yr trying and 2 miscarriages later still no number 4. I appreciate your sharing your story cause I could relate to everything you wrote word for word. We are still having faith in God as well cause that feeling of “this is it” is not there. As much as I’m sad for you and your family it’s comforting to know I’m not the only one who has been through this and had those same feelings. Thank you again for sharing and my prayers are with you guys and hoping for your addition soon 🙂
Love and blessings
Thank you so much for your sweet comment. I know that no matter how many children you already have, experiencing a loss or infertility is devastating. I have found that it does get easier with time, or at least the hurt is less “raw,” but it’s certainly something I wish no one had to go through. I hope and pray that you get your baby #4 very soon! We have visited a fertility specialist and received some answers, and while we’ve taken a step back from trying for a while, I am hopeful that another baby is in our future. Feel free to email me anytime! I know it helps to have a support system of people who understand what you’re going through.
I have had a few pregnancy losses as well, 5 first trimester losses including one ectopic pregnancy but by far the worst was the stillborn baby I had. He was our first boy (following 4 girls). Suddenly, one day I realized that I couldn’t remember the last time I felt my baby move. It was AWFUL having to give birth to a dead child, having my milk come in, leaving the hospital with no baby, planning a funeral. My sister and I were due 3 days apart. It was SO hard to go and visit her and her new baby. Someone I know had 2 stillborn babies. Her first kid and her 7th. She said the second one was SO much harder because when you have children you can fully grasp what you’ve lost. I think losing babies is hard no matter what and each loss has its own unique circumstances.We chose to take the natural road and let God do our family planning and amidst these losses, amazingly, were blessed with 9 healthy children.
Thanks so much for sharing your story, Jane. I am so sorry for the losses you had to go through, and I can’t imagine giving birth to a stillborn baby. It would definitely be heartbreaking and devastating. I have a couple family members who have gone through that, and when I had my first child I cried for them all over again now that I knew exactly what they had lost. I’m so happy to hear that you’ve been blessed with 9 healthy children though. That is amazing!
There’s never been a time in my life when I didn’t think that I’d have kids. I don’t think it’s because my parents or family talked about it constantly or anything. After a few years of marriage, we both realized we were ready. It just felt right. Suddenly the one thing I rarely thought about conceiving a baby became the only thing I thought about, obsessed about. One month of disappointment turned into three months, then six, then a year, and then another year. The grief and depression of my (because we always feel it’s our fault) repeated failure nearly destroyed us. In the end we agreed to address clinic abroad. For all- inclusive package we paid only €30000. Isn’t surprisingly price for economically poor country like Ukraine. However, we received great service and finally a positive result. Seeing how productive doctors there work it can be said that reproductive medicine there is on an appropriate level. So, now I’m a proud mother.
Congratulations! I’m so happy it worked out for you and that you are now a mother. I’m sorry that you went through the hardship of infertility. I know how heartbreaking it is.
I loved reading about your story. It gives me hope. For I am too suffereing from secondary fertility and miscarriage.
Thank you, Heather. And I’m so sorry to hear that. Hugs to you and praying that you get your baby soon.
Dear Erin,
I want to tell my devastating story. I am 42 years old and suffer from severe endometriosis and PCOS. To me is literally IMPOSSIBLE to get pregnant naturally.
I have a 6 year old precious little girl. She is an amazing daughter!!
I had her through IVF and after multiple surgeries to remove cervical cancer, polyps and endometriosis.
3 years ago I started looking for a sibling with another IVF. I was lucky to get pregnant again!!
Unfortunately I lost my baby st 16 weeks because my baby boy wrapped his neck on his umbilical cord twice. I wanted to die!!! It was horrible!
Later on that year my mom falls from the staircase and hits her head really hard. She died 6 hours later on Christmas day.
I tried another IVF but it failed!!
Last year I went on another IVF and got pregnant again!!
I was pregnant for 35 weeks but my baby stopped moving. She was born alive for 7 hours but died of hydrops and anemia. This happened 1 month ago. I feel so sad!! I am 42 and have infertility!! Don’t know what to do!! I am soooo devastated!!
I am so, so sorry to hear that you are going through this Sylvia. I hope and pray that things get better for you soon. Thank you for sharing.